Montag, 7. Mai 2018

Jeff Steinberg

Okay. INVASION! Aliens are real. They're here, they're mean and they're standing in judgement over the citizens of Earth. Final countdown. Representing humanity (by some fluke) is your boy Jeff Steinberg. Romantically challenged idiot, video store clerk, constipated, confused, distractible. In other words, the planet is totally doomed. Also, robots!

It's time for Jeff Steinberg to knuckle down and learn how to be Champion of Earth—except his head's not really in the game. Sure, his new Voltron-style mech suit is pretty sweet, and he gets his own alien badass trainer to teach him the ropes, and he's in outer space! But he's still hung up on his responsibilities—and girlfriend, Shelley—back on Earth. But hold up, now that all of Earth has seen their "great" Champion (and his not-so-impressive, uh, assets), are they even happy to welcome Jeff back?

The Jeff Steinberg situation (or Operation Brighter Tomorrow, as Obama calls it [or Operation Bummer Tomorrow as everyone else calls it]) is in full swing with Jeff back on the space station, heart freshly broken by Shelley, ready to think about maybe trying to possibly save Earth... if he can. But he pretty much has to, according to Captain Dave of the Intergalactic Council of Planetary Relations, otherwise something terrible (or nothing terrible at all?) might befall the planet. But whatever, time for Jeff to climb into his mech suit and give this Champion of Earth thing the old college try. Wait... did Jeff go to college?

It's time for a training montage as Jeff explores his mech suit's powers under the harsh tutelage of alien badass Cleompa. But despite a solid 20 minutes of hard(ish) work, Cleo questions Jeff's commitment and ability to handle himself in intergalactic battle, which it turns out is a lot more important than anyone previously thought. Turns out Captain Dave and Reopsolom are really just ready to take over Earth and its valuable resources—the good stuff like fossil fuels, gold, middle-management—and Jeff serving as Earth's champion is nothing more than a thin charade designed to fail immediately. The moment finally arrives for Jeff to take on his first challenge, God help us all.

The penultimate issue of Jeff Steinberg's first series! Do you think Jeff even knows what the word "penultimate" means? Yeah, us either. It's the second to last issue of Jeff's first intergalactic adventure and our hero... Wait, "hero"? It's not like he got chosen because he was saving kittens from trees or anything--he was just trying to poop... Anyway, it's almost over! Jeff's survived thus far, maybe he won't actually screw everything up! (unlikely)

Earth needed a champion. It got a video store clerk (that's still a thing?!) with a bathroom problem. So far, Jeff Steinberg has risen to the occasion like the water level in a toilet bowl after an epic flush! Will he be able to fend off the next round of intergalactic feces flung his way or is the planet's future about to be sent down the drain?

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